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Something That I Am Not


Most parents—at least in my world—who have children are tempted at times to ask their kids, 'What? Do I look like your fairy Godmother?' At that point both we and our kids know what we are not. But this is not a trick question, nor a funny thought.

Even though we may never ask, Would the world be better without me? At times when we find ourselves tired, and at the bottom of the barrel. Life may seem pointless. At sixteen I wrote an untitled poem. It wouldn't be religiously correct, but it was where I was at that time.

"Through fire, and hate, and hell itself we manage to survive, But how can one face one's self and manage to come out alive?"

Existence in this life can feel futile and painful. When a person reaches bottom, the question is why bother to try? Is reaching through the pain worth it?

In Chesterton's poem:

For the Great Gaels of Ireland

Are the men that God made mad,

For all their wars are merry

And all their songs are sad.

Battle has a purpose. Eat, drink, and be merry for tomorrow we die. Even death has a justification, but with deep thinkers, living sometimes has no purpose. There are so many uncertainties and little to tie your barge to. Like having a thorn in one's foot, walking is painful. There is no where it doesn't hurt.

I have come to know that there are many things, besides a fairy Godmother that I am not. I am not all-powerful. No matter how hard I try I can't make everything loving and good in this life. People make bad choices and sometimes they suffer for them. The hard thing is when innocent people suffer for choices they don't make.

I am not all-knowing. When I write a book I create a world of my own. In that world there is always an element of suffering and struggle. It wouldn't be true to life otherwise. However, in real life we don't always see or understand why some things happen. The important thing is to commit our ways to God and let Him sort it out. Not everything in this life will receive justice in this life, but God is the ultimate judge. Everything in this life will receive justice at the end.

I can't change other people. I have a hard enough struggle to change myself. If everyone in the world would follow Biblical scriptures and principles this world would be perfect, but I live in a 'fallen' world, that Eve and Adam set in motion by their choices.

One of the principles I've tried to teach my children is when they make a bad choice the fault doesn't lie on or in someone else. It is their own fault because they made a wrong choice.

I am not a strong person, I am not a smart person, and I often look in the mirror and find that I'm not even a good person. That is when I realize at least two things:

2 Corinthians 12:8 "Concerning this thing I besought the Lord thrice, that it might depart from me. 9) And he hath said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

And number two: Luke 18:10 "Two men went up into the temple to pray; the one a Pharisee, and the other a publican. 11) The Pharisee stood and prayed thus with himself, God, I thank thee, that I am not as the rest of men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even as this publican. 12) I fast twice in the week; I give tithes of all that I get. 13) But the publican, standing afar off, would not lift up so much as his eyes unto heaven, but smote his breast, saying, God, be thou merciful to me a sinner."

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