Something I Am Not II

From Chesterton’s epic poem, “The Ballad of the White Horse”

For the Great Gaels of Ireland

Are the men that God made mad,

For all their wars are merry

And all their songs are sad.

Some of my ancestors came from Ireland, and I can attest to the veracity of this ditty. I'm not sure why the descendants of this fair land do seem to have a bit of an Eeyore syndrome. How that ties with the subject/trailer I introduced yesterday I'm working on.

This thought may not be reflected in Cheryl's book. I haven't read it yet, but in watching the short video I see so many people and their struggles to find who they are.

I'm a Christian, first and foremost, and that gives me a different perspective. Before I became a Christian I struggled mightily with life, death, and existence issues.

I was born in a time when mothers were the caretakers of the children, which is not a bad thing, but... My parents were divorced when I was three months old and I never knew my father. I had pictures of quite a few of his wins—he was a jockey, and from mother's accounts the best rider she ever knew. Praise like that didn't often come from my mother, and when it did it was praise indeed.

What my mother did tell me on a rare occasion about my father was that he was 'quite mad'. I wasn't on good terms with my mother, she was one of those Gaels of Ireland that although she was a she (not a he) it also seemed that God had made her mad. Physically she was a beautiful woman, but impossible to live with.

So there I was with two odd parents that would fit the God made mad description. Who was I? Out of all of the confusion and upheaval what could I call myself?

I believe there are many cases like this in our society today. Divorce became a disease. People were told it was better to divorce than raise children in a bickering, unhappy household. Excuse number one.

Feminism became a disease. Women were told 'a woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle'. And many young women believed that idiot saying. Excuse number two.

Religion came under attack by atheists and agnostics. Like Ophelia in Shakespeare's Hamlet says:

"I shall the effect of this good lesson keep, As watchman to my heart. But, good my brother,Do not, as some ungracious pastors do..." many ungracious pastors and pew sitters gave Christianity a bad name, and that left too many people with gravel in their mouth. Excuse number three.

So the fabric of our society began to fray into pieces. As the meme I've seen a lot lately says, "I wasn't a smart man..."or as in my case, a smart person/child, but I could see things weren't working out well in my life. It didn't take a brilliant person to feel the hurt of being abandoned, and see how much better it was to live in my Grandparents home with a stability that my mother's life-style never had.

It has taken a lifetime to come to some understandings. They are basic and necessities. These are somewhat in random order, but here they are;

Understanding number one: my marriage is not perfect because my husband and I are still flesh and blood. Divorce is not the answer. Unless a person is in danger for their life, in which case a separation and possibly an injunction, may be in order. This is why marrying the right person is so important. In most cases there are warning signs before marriage that a person is abusive. If they are, don't go there thinking they will change for the better. That rarely ever happens.

In a normal relationship there has to be room for give and take, and there has to be respect for each other. It isn't popular to say this today, but my husband is the head of our household. He listens to my intuitions and takes into account my needs, wants and wishes, but he makes the final decisions and in a much more informed way than I do.

I tell people this story from our early marriage days. We had moved to a large city for my husband to further his Bible education. The classes were held in a church building, and on occasion I had to take things to the building and park in the parking lot. We came from a small Midwestern town and were not used to crime, so when my husband told me I needed to lock our car doors in the church parking lot I thought he was over-reacting. Dilemma here. I needed to be obedient, but how to do that and what I felt like as well? My thought process was, who would want our little Pinto with manual transmission, no air conditioning, etc. and in a church parking lot? Husband is out on this one. So I locked the door, but left the window down so it would be easier for me to get in and out. That was until the director of the school's car was stolen one day out of the parking lot by a local neighborhood teen or young adult, and taken for an almost joy ride. He was apprehended by the police a few blocks from the parking lot...

I've used this to tell young wives, and perspective young wives follow your husband's lead. No, he's not perfect, but until the day I look in the mirror to find myself perfect, I listen to his instructions. Men tend to become more stable, and more thoughtful when they realize their women have confidence in and depend on them to make wise decisions. I should qualify that with "this underscores the direction, 'pay attention' when you're choosing your mate." A good-looker is good to look at only so long, but a good person with good character is much more important.

Psalm 9:19 "Arise, O Jehovah; let not man prevail: Let the nations be judged in thy sight. 20) Put them in fear, O Jehovah: Let the nations know themselves to be but men."

Selah.